Two Month Eating Disorder Recovery Update (Sam)
- Wendy Hnatuik
- Oct 26, 2022
- 3 min read
Weeks 7 and 8 Update
How Its Going
I’m still working on completing everything on my meal plan. I find eating “large” volumes of food difficult. I have eaten light my entire life, so this is just very hard. In the meantime, since the volume of food in my meal plan has not been increased, I have started challenging fear foods again. Mom made some cinnamon buns with all normal ingredients for morning snack. My goal was to have them three times in a week because repetition is important. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Mom’s cinnamon buns tasted amazing, and it was good to be able to enjoy my mom’s creation with her. Also, on the first day of this 2-week period we had Thanksgiving dinner. This came with some challenges and meant changes to our meal plans for a few days. I had pumpkin pie with whipped cream and ate lots of leftover turkey stuffing. Mom made some mini turkey pot pies with leftover turkey that we shared for lunch too. It was all delicious. At some point I made some pineapple muffins to replenish snack supplies.
In therapy this week I have been working on identifying emotions, learning how to sit with emotions, and doing self care. I’m getting better at identifying emotions, but I struggle with understanding how to sit with them. I also find it difficult to motivate myself to do self care practices. I feel like I should be doing more important things like schoolwork. But I’m beginning to realize that self care is just as important and once I’m doing these practices, I feel better. They usually give me a break from my negative thoughts, and it feels peaceful. Additionally, I have created many affirmations over the past few weeks but now I’m working on actually using them.
The past two weeks have been relatively quiet. I have been very busy with school midterms and assignments as well as all my usual appointments. I did take some time one day to play in the leaves. It was raining but I didn’t mind. Also, we have been feeding peanuts to the wildlife and its interesting to see who comes to join us for snack. At the end of the week there was an open house where I work, and I got to go help paint a horse as well as see all my co-workers. It was great to see everyone, and they were all so kind and supportive.
How I Feel
Right now, I think I feel okay although my thoughts have not changed much. With things continuing as they are and mostly staying the same, everything is slowly becoming easier to tolerate and accept. I know things will get difficult again as my meal plan changes. On top of that mom is going back to work next week which will bring more change. She will be home to support me in the mornings though.
On that note, mom going back to work feels like an ending to the first stage of my recovery whether I’m ready for it or not. This led me to reflect on our time together over the past two months. I’m very thankful mom was able to take time off to support me. Although, I think recovery at home is really testing our relationship. We have a great relationship, and everything is fine, we are able to work through all of our problems. I can see that mom only wants the best for me. But most of the time I feel like a failure, a disappointment, and a burden. I know I’m not recovering as fast as she would like. Further, I can see her struggle to find the right balance between being “the bad guy” and leaving me to do my own thing. Nevertheless, this struggle strengthens our relationship and brings a deeper understanding between us.
Current Goals
Continue to be trusting, open and honest regarding recovery
Follow my meal plan as best I can